Whole Milk

The embers still burn, the flame flickers every now and then; A flare, a warning, a reminder that something was once there. The remnants of a life, the beat of a heart, your breath still lingers on my skin. The wind whispers your name and plays with my hair the way you did as I used to lay with my legs entangled with yours. It is amazing how many seconds, minutes, hours, and days can pass and yet I can still picture your smile and remember the scent of your skin after you showered. I miss every thing about you. I don't care if the world does not want us together, you will always be with me. Your wisdom, strength, and advice have become my conscious.

I feel sorrow when I think of your life and your future. I saw you, through you - as if you were transparent. Wounds that have never healed cover up the man you could become. The false confidence you pretended to have is just a coping mechanism for all that you lack. The potential you have is escaping through the cracks as you slowly break down; Erosion of the body, spirit, and mind. I saw the castles you could have built, the empire you could have created, should have created, but you are nothing but a peasant disguised as a prince. What a foolish child I was to believe in the fairy tales. If you are a prince, then I'd rather kiss a frog.

There are so many unspoken words between us. So many things that were left unfinished and unsaid. You cross my mind too often for this to be over, but it is over. You have never been one to finish what you started. You leave things in disarray: unfinished and untouched. You are heartless and careless with hearts. The only fault I can account for, is my faith in the man you claimed to be. Misrepresented and mistreated. The puzzle crumbled in my hands as I tried to fit the pieces together one by one. I look back now and I see that the pieces that made up your place in my life, weren't supposed to fit. I shoved them together, but in the end they belonged to a different puzzle altogether. I wish I never gave you the pieces of mine for I will never get them back. You will forever hold some of my heart in your hands - or smashed into the crevices of your shoes after you decided to rip it out and stomp on it. Your love was never that of a man, but that of a selfish child.

I am moving forward. The turtle will always win the race. I'm sorry that you cannot find the happiness that you want, but I am not even sure that you deserve to be happy anymore. Once you can accept yourself as you are, flaws and all, then maybe one day you will be able to find true love. As for me, I am doing well. That is all you need to know.


Love always,
Bee

A Thousand Years

I have fought a thousand wars barehanded.
I have killed & I have conquered, but I have yet to be victorious.

Their armor is solid; their artillery is vast.
I fill my lungs and lift my head one last time.
For this time, I will be the last one standing.

They will not defeat me for I am fearless.
I am not scared and I will not fall.
They appear on the horizon and march towards me.
I stare, penetrating every molecule of their being.

Scars cover my body. My hands are wrapped in blood stained bandages.
They can see where my weakness lies.
They do not speak. Just stand in anticipation.
This has become a routine for them.



Combat commences like clockwork.



I have fought a thousand wars barehanded.
I have killed & I have conquered, but I have yet to be victorious.
The difference between now & then, though, is that I now I know I am strong enough to beat them.
So I will continue to fight every single day of my life because I am worth it and one day, I will win.

Every night.

The cool sheets press up against my body.
You turn, facing me.
The warmth of your heart melts the honey in your eyes, putting me at ease as you gaze into mine.
You pull me closer; my head nuzzled under your scruffy chin.
There I lay, intoxicated by the scent that lingers on your skin.

You whisper "I love you" into my ear before placing a kiss atop my head.
Our legs are gnarled branches, intertwining with one another.
The side of my face is pressed up against your chest.
The beat of your heart is my favorite lullaby.

Mirrors.

I want to fly far away-
Cut the strings that tie me down & set myself free from my worries and fears.

I stumble and I fall, making mistakes along the way.
I've gone down different paths than those I once considered my best of friends.
It hurts to never hear from those you still love dearly.
Pain and sorrow dwell where you once held a place in my heart.
I've failed and lost, and yet, at the same time, I've won.
But it's never, ever enough.

My heart is overflowing, pulsating with anger.
All I can do is wipe the tears from my hazel eyes.
I'm holding myself back.
So hurt and so lost.

Broken, irreparably.


All I want is to be loved.
All I want is to be happy.

A letter to the Devil.

I carefully folded my clothes and gently set them into my suitcase.
I smiled and waved as I drove off into the afternoon sun.


Rewind. <<<<<<<

Swollen, puffy eyes greet me in the morning. Salty tears streaked and stained my blotchy red skin. I huff and puff attempting to catch my breath as it escapes from my lungs. Ransacking my own living quarters and shoving any and every thing I can catch into my bag. I did not walk, I ran.

As fast as I could, I ran.

Did I look back? Hell, no.

There are no words to describe my hurt, my pain, my happiness, or the depth to which I love.



I love you. That is all I can say.

........I love you and that has to be enough.



xo
-Bee

Minding your manners & driving with your seat belt on.

Autumn is knocking.
These same old tunes on repeat.
The artist paints the leaves extraordinary colors; such a tedious job.

A cyclic life.
Passing through a house of mirrors.
A skeleton frame with new dressings; our ghosts reappear, attempting to haunt us over again.

Thoughts and dreams - some have become truths while others have been forgotten.
Riding a roller coaster through the seasons of life; such a wondrous ride.

I chased the kite down a different path than before, and stumbled upon a field filled with the most magnificent flowers.

Monotony & repetition.
Learn to appreciate the sights, the sounds, the smells -- Experience everything anew.

One day the clouds will turn grey and mask the rays of sunlight that once shown down.
Those dimples may play hide and seek.
It is okay to cry like the sky does.
Embrace the wind and let it take you wherever it pleases.

The tall, sturdy oak will never fall.
The leaves sprinkle to the ground, but someone always picks them up and puts them back where they belong.
A never ending circle.

You will be okay, always.

Dentdelion

Dandelion love is never ugly.
Close your eyes and make a wish.
Strength, opportunity, and endless possibilities are held within one tiny ray of sunshine.

My blood runs thick with happiness.
Laughter; an organic sedative.

A black crow once wiped the tears from my eyes.
That's what I will tell my grandchildren.

Cardiac expansion.
Stake your claim. Space is limited.

Sitting on a drier lint cloud, suspended from the ceiling.
Raining colorful confetti.

That sweet girl you read about in books has found her way home.

Content, ecstatic, intoxicated, effortless.

Thank you for you.